I am a massive Game of Thrones fan having read the books and immersed myself in the show. Throughout this trip, I have made a pilgrimage to the many Game of Thrones filming locations to pay my respects. I have also done extensive research on the monumental impact of Game of Thrones on the modern world and the very fabric of our society.
Game of Thrones has affected us more than we all know so much so that I believe this is a new pioneering field of study that I call: Alternative Facts with Game of Thrones. This is my crowning achievement for my blog as I have been a lifelong nerd and its been quite hard to keep up my hobbies when I’m effectively homeless. So this tour of the Game of Thrones filming locations is a combination of my four great loves in life: travel, history, nerdiness and satire.
Please join me as I show you all the wonderful places they filmed Game of Thrones and enlighten you with alternative facts.
————–SPOILER WARNING AHEAD————–
Croatia
Braavos (Sibenik, Croatia)
The Free City of Braavos and Sibenik share a lot in common. Braavos was founded by escaped slaves. Sibenik endured rule from Venetians, Byzantines and Hungarians and Croatia as a whole only gained independence in 1991. It seems only fitting that Sibenik and Braavos are close allies and have declared themselves as sister cities.
The Free City of Braavos on the eastern sea is such a beautiful and cultural diversity city. You can meet anyone from wealthy, and haughtily dressed merchants to river dancing Braavosi swordsman. You can enjoy sitting on warm pebble beaches and buy fresh oysters and cockles from blind girls.
What most of us know this exotic city for is for being home to the Faceless Men and to the Iron bank of Braavos. But before we get into that, let’s sit back and enjoy that view Arya saw when she first arrived in town.
Valar Morghulis
Iron Bank of Braavos (St. James Cathedral, Sibenik, Croatia)
This historic institution is so old that no one’s sure when it was founded. We do know that it was founded long before The Doom of Valeria in 100 B.A.L. We definitely know that behind those doors lays one of the most powerful institutions in the world, the Iron Bank. In front of those doors, we know Arya once stalked a Ser Meryn Trant and soon ended his life in a brothel.
This bank is the founder of our modern banking system. Its such a successful institution that the Braavosi even has a saying; ‘The Iron Bank will get it’s due.’ The Iron Bank finances projects across the world and somehow always profits from its investments. All modern banks have been based on the principles the Iron Bank founded but are still pale imitations of the original. Our banks were failing in 2008 A.D. and a government bailout ensued. Meanwhile the Iron Bank was still independent and received all it’s payments back from The Seven Kingdoms.
The Iron Bank seems to know how to pick their investments unlike us. Now there’s talk of bailing out the Lannisters in their current predicament by hiring them the Golden Company. It seems like a risky investment but no less risky than their bailout or Greece or the auto industry.
Do you think they charge overdraft fees?
Meeren Fighting Pits (St. John’s Fortress, Sibenik, Croatia)
Unfortunately the smaller fighting pit of Meeren were closed for reconstruction. But behind that hallowed metal door, Sir Jorah fought valiantly to regain the favor of the Khalessi with Tyrion Lannister watching in the wings. He is a shining paragon to loyalty, devotion and being friend-zoned.
I’m surprised he didn’t cross path’s with Arya during this time since they were both in Sibenik.
So much blood has been spilt behind those doors
Meereen (Fortress of Klis, Split, Croatia)
The Fortress of Klis once stood against many Ottoman attacks and stood as a symbol of a free Croatia. Its the perfect symbolic spot for the Khalessi to free all the slaves of Meereen and crucify The Masters. We always celebrate the Khalessi’s many accomplishments, but I feel like we have forgotten her origins and her forward thinking. Abraham Lincoln emancipated the slaves in 1863 A.D. The Khalessi did this in 300 A.C. That’s over 1500 years and one letter before Lincoln.
You can even see the major influence the Khalessi had on Lincoln. After her initial backlash against The Masters, she instead attempted to unify the city. She started preaching reconciliation in an effort to heal the divided city. It worked to some extent but she had to rely on her dragons to prevent her assassination at the Meereen fighting pits.
Lincoln clearly studied the Khalessi and was also an advocate of reconciliation to unite America. He wanted little punishment against the Confederates so the country could start healing. Unfortunately, he forgot that he needed dragons to prevent his assassination.
Mhysa! Mhysa! Myhsa!
Meereen Back Alley (Split, Croatia)
This unadorned alley is where the Khalessi Rose from Warlord to a real ruler. Before Meereen, she may have led a few dragon welps and a Unsullied Army, but she didn’t actually rule a kingdom. It was here in the backstreets of Meereen that the first slaves rose up and helped her liberate the city of Meereen. Without their bravery and sacrifice, our beloved Khalessi would not have been able to take her first steps to become queen. It was in Meereen, she learned to rule and gained her ships to cross over the ocean to start her conquest of the divided lands of Westeros.
There are rumors that she’s looking past the Atlantic sea now at the relatively divided country of America. Due to her birthright, there are rumors that she may run for President in the 2020 election with the slogan “I’m with her”.
#Resist
King’s Landing (Dubrovnik, Croatia)
Smoke, sweat, and shit. King’s Landing, in short. If you have a good nose you can smell the treachery too. You’ve never smelled a city before?
– Jamie Lannister
With that glowing review, why would I go there?* The Lannisters are still in control of the city and they stand for everything I despise. I’ll try to go on another trip when the Khalessi takes the throne.
*I actually hear Dubrovnik is lovely and I ran out of time to go that far south.
Ireland
Storms End (Cushendun Caves, Northern Ireland)
At the onset of the War of the Five Kings, Renly Baratheon decided wrongfully to declare himself as king. He soon found himself facing his older brother and rightful heir to the throne, Stannis Baratheon. This is where I believe history unfairly turns against Stannis. Stannis was a practical military man who made all the hard decisions that others couldn’t. All for the benefit of the Seven Kingdoms.
Did he cheat on his wife to birth a Shadow Assassin Baby and then have that assassin kill his younger brother? Yes.
Did he willing consent to the sacrifice of his nephew, Gendry, to kill his contenders? Sure
Did he burn his firstborn daughter alive in the hopes that it would appease the Lord of Light? Perhaps.
And what did Renly do? Renly openly tried to usurp power from his older brother. We simply give him a pass because he’s a charismatic, gentle and well-liked guy. But how would he keep a firm hand on the Seven Kingdoms and usher in an age of prosperity? In harsh times like these, the Seven Kingdoms needed a man who would sacrifice it all. A man who has proven his unwavering dedication fore the greater good.
We needed Stannis.
Is too late now. So instead, I hope these very caves in the Stormlands becomes a sacred spot so we can recognize the actions of a great man.
You can still see the shadow placenta left from the birth
The Stormlands (Larrybane, Northern Ireland)
Renly Baratheon was always a functional player of the Game of Thrones, but his lack of experience in true ruling and warfare truly shows. On the eve of battle with Stannis Baratheon’s army, he camped in this quarry and held a tournament. This is where Brianne of Tarth beat Sir Loras Tyrell, The Knight of Flowers. Brianne of Tarth was subsequently inducted into Renly’s Rainbow Guard after this victory.
Looking beyond the immediate events, we can see where Renly choose his campgrounds. A quarry. This is a dreadful tactical decision that shows his major inexperience in warfare. Despite Stannis’ army being outnumbered, I doubt Renly would have still won the day and its why I believe he would have been a terrible ruler for the Seven Kingdoms.
What a terrible spot to camp. Even Obi Wan Kenobi knows that you need the high ground
Lordsport (Ballintoy Harbor, Northern Ireland)
House Greyjoy leaves me so mixed in emotions that I had to debate if this was worth a visit. House Greyjoy is full of backwards ass, bitter and stupid wannabe viking raiders. Look at their House words. “We do not sow.”
Really…
You’re going to be proud of the fact that you assheads are too lazy to do an honest days work in your life. In my opinion, the Starks should have pulled a Lannister when they besieged Pyke in 289 A.C. The Starks should destroyed every brick in Pyke and ended the Greyjoy’s bloodline. Then we’d be singing Rains of Pyke instead of Rains of Castamere and been spared from with seeing Theon or Euron on screen.
I still ended up visiting the Port of Pyke due to my begrudging respect for their sheer force of will.
Here’s hoping Euron drowns so I don’t have to see more of Pyke.
Theon groped his sister here
Braavos Canal (Carnlough, Northern Ireland)
Looks like a cool dock right?
In some weird geographical mixup, there’s a little bit of Braavos stuck all the way up here. This area of Braavos is most remembered due to Arya. She got stabbed by the waif and jumped into the canal to escape. She hid in the water for sometime and ended up climbing out at these very steps.
I believe that’s how she managed to evade the waif for so long. I don’t get her next decision making though. She ran to the actress she saved for help. If she just kept going another 15 feet, she would found the local convenience store, Spar, and could’ve gotten help there. But Arya’s the expert, so I won’t doubt her judgement.
They seriously came all that way for that little bit of dock
King’s Road (Dark Hedges, Ballymoney, Northern Ireland)
This foreboding yet beautiful hedges is home to one of the busiest of roads in the Seven Kingdoms. Ned Stark took this road south to the chopping block. Hotpie still makes Direwolf cakes somewhere along here. The hound killed the butcher’s boy and most importantly, Arya was seen here. She was traveling north, disguised as a boy.
GET OFF THE ROAD
Spain
Dornish Watergardens (Alcazar, Seville, Spain)
I actually visited Dorne many years ago on a separate trip. I remember being stunned at the beauty of the water gardens and the Moorish culture of Dorne. How things have changed since my initial visit. Back then, Prince Doran was still ruling, Areo Hotach never smiled, and Oberyn Martell was still fuming over the rape and murder of Elia Martell and her children.
Now Dorne is a headless state, their armies scattered and they have morally decayed, killing children like Myrcella Lannister. I remembered a day when Prince Doran stated that they do not kill children. I had always envied their staunch values and hope they will return back to their roots one day.
“The Water Gardens are my favorite place in the world” – Doran Martell
I hope this has been educational for all of you.
Until next time.
**Cover photo is a stretch of beach next to Port of Pyke. Its where Theon Greyjoy was baptized in the name of the Drowned God (Larrybane, Northern Ireland).